


in calm or stormy weather

by singsongsung, sonlali



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: F/F, Family Feels, Gen, Let Alexis Rose Eat, M/M, SC S7 Prompt Fest: Episode 10: Happy Holidays, Sibling Bonding, Texting, There Are Manicures, There Are Surprising Little House on the Prairie References, There are shenanigans, there's a cat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 09:54:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29312172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/singsongsung/pseuds/singsongsung, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonlali/pseuds/sonlali
Summary: On National Siblings Day, Alexis spends the day with her favorite brother Patrick, and David bonds with Twyla.David:Why are you at our house, Alexis?Alexis:because i have a whole day planned for us david!!David:Why?Alexis:because it’s NATIONAL SIBLINGS DAY!
Relationships: Alexis Rose/Twyla Sands, David Rose & Twyla Sands, Patrick Brewer & Alexis Rose, Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 33
Kudos: 110
Collections: Schitt's Creek Season 7





	in calm or stormy weather

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [SCSeason7](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/SCSeason7) collection. 



> **Prompt:**  
>  7x10 - Happy Holidays - National Siblings Day
> 
> Alexis happens to be in town for a visit (or the boys happen to be visiting her), and someone realizes that it's National Siblings Day. I'd love to see Patrick & Alexis bonding time! Maybe David joins them, or maybe he thinks it's dumb and they spend the day with just the two of them.
> 
> "For there is no friend like a sister / in calm or stormy weather" - Christina Rossetti, "Goblin Market"

Source Of Your Headaches   
  
**April 10** 8:22 am  
david!!!!  
  
What, Alexis!?  
  
i’m at your cute lil house and you’re not answering the door! and the car’s not here! and little mimi is putting her paws up on the window and i think she misses you! look!   
  
IMG8739  
  
Why are you at our house?  
  
Tell Countess Mimi of Elm County we’ll be back before 6 just like always  
  
i think you should get her a friend. twy says cats can seem aloof but she probably gets lonely all day. get mimi a little sister!!   
  
Yes, because I’ve had such good luck with my little sister  
  
Why are you at our house, Alexis?  
  
because i have a whole day planned for us david!!  
  
Why?  
  
because it’s NATIONAL SIBLINGS DAY! did you not read my email?  
  
Since when do we email?  
  
UGH! DAVID!  
  
let patrick handle the store today and come hang out with me! i have a whole ITINERY  
  
** ITINERARY  
  
I can’t let “Patrick handle the store today.” We have a schedule. And there’s an important delivery arriving today that I need to be present to sign off on  
  
Button can do it!!  
  
No he can’t, Alexis. What do you think Patrick knows about the significant skin-calming benefits of fermented mushrooms?!  
  
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 😤😤  
  
i’m coming there so we can figure this out   
  
You don’t need to do that because I CANNOT LEAVE TODAY  
  
Alexis??  
  


  


* * *

  


Alexis! 🌹  
  
**April 10** 8:38 am  
babe  
  
babe hey  
  
twy!  
  
Alexis, you know I can’t be on my phone while I’m working.  
  
ok but i miss you 💕💞💓💘💖💗😘  
  
Aw, I miss you too, Lex ❤️  
  
im on my way to my brother’s store so maybe i can stop by the cafe after??  
  
I’d like that! I’ll have a smoothie waiting for you!  
  
yay thanks babe i cant wait!!! 😘😘😘😘  
  
anyways i'm going to see david because its national siblings day and i have this whole cute spa day planned for us!  
  
Aww, that’s so sweet, Alexis!   
  
I KNOW! but hes being a total b about it  
  
he kept going on about how he cant leave work ugh  
  
Maybe you could reschedule?  
  
ugh twy no! then it wouldn't be siblings dya!  
  
*day! whatever   
  
i'm sure i can convince him!! he’s just being dramatic because he hates being away from patrick all day. it’s gross  
  
but also a lil bit cute  
  
anyway i’m outside the store now and i can see your cute little butt from across the street!!!! 🍑  
  
LEX  
  
i’m gonna go talk to my dumb brother and then i’ll come over to see your cute butt!!! 😘😘  
  
❤️  
  


  


* * *

  


Husband 💙  
  
**April 10** 8:59 am  
Wow so you really just left with my sister   
  
MY sister now too apparently.  
  
You could’ve put up more of a fight  
  
But it’s National Siblings Day, David! I have to celebrate a national holiday.  
  
Mmhm  
  
National Abandon Your Husband At Work Day  
  
You poor thing. How will you ever survive?  
  
Unclear if I will  
  
And you’re already sounding like our ungrateful sister  
  
She’s treating me to a spa day. That doesn’t seem ungrateful.  
  
I would confirm this “treating” thing upon arrival if I were you   
  
What am I supposed to do all day? Inventory?  
  
Inventory would be good. Or maybe filling those online orders? Or what if you updated the invoice spreadsheet like you’ve been saying you would do for weeks?  
  
Wow this was not the kind of answer I wanted   
  
Have a wonderful day   
  
Sis is coming back, and it looks like she bought me a tea!   
  


  


* * *

  


least fave brother 🖤  
  
**April 10** 9:20 am  
what colour do you think i should get for my mani david 💅💅  
  
IMG9383   
  
this one?  
  
IMG2763  
  
or this one?  
  
IMG2647   
  
OOH OR THIS ONE?  
  
ugh david hello??   
  
patricks saying he want to get his eyebrows microbladed!!  
  
DON’T YOU DARE  
  
Alexis I will cut your hair in your sleep!  
  
ALEXIS  
  
omg calm down david 🙄  
  
i just said that because i knew you were ignoring me  
  
should i go for one of the pinks or the teal   
  
Okay, I wasn’t “ignoring” you  
  
I am a very busy person  
  
Obviously you should go for the second pink one  
  
thanks david! 😘😘  
  
dont worry im going to take such good care of your husband today!  
  
hes gonna come back all pampered and relaxed because i am a very nice and generous sister 💗💗  
  
Ew, omg do not “take care” of my husband  
  
And for the record, I am not in support of this whole “sibling” thing you and Patrick are doing  
  
well hes my BROTHER now david  
  
LEGALLY  
  
and dont be gross  
  
and also its not my fault you didnt read the email!!  
  
UGH ok Alexis I’m sorry it’s not 1998!  
  
Don’t let Patrick get a salt scrub!  
  
He has really sensitive skin  
  
i told you i’ll take care of him!  
  
and thanks so much for apologizing david that really means a lot ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️  
  
Ugh fine  
  
Have fun at the spa, Alexis   
  


  


* * *

  


Twy 💗🌸☀️🧁🌈  
  
**April 10** 10:06 am  
miss you babe! ❤️❤️ wish you were here with us!  
  
but im also like really glad you’re not my sister  
  
😉😏😘  
  
Aw I miss you too! ❤️  
  
You know my cousin Lou once had a 3 month relationship with my other cousin Jasmine, who he later found out was his half sister.  
  
wow thats quite the sitch for lou and jasmine   
  
pretty sure you and me arent related though 👍  
  
Nope, I tracked your ancestry back when we first started dating! Just to be safe! 🙂  
  
um thats really sweet of you babe! thank you i think  
  
You are very welcome, Alexis! 🐹  
  
Are you having fun at the spa?  
  
we just got here! its patrick’s first ever mani isnt that so cute?  
  
Aw I remember my first manicure when I was in middle school and my friend Michelle’s older sister was studying to be a beautician and she wanted to practice on us.   
  
She mixed up the nail primer with paint primer and we had to go to the ER!  
  
wowee babe   
  
we’ll have to come back here together and you can get a much more relaxing mani!  
  
and maybe we can get like a couples massage  
  
i think that would be really cute for us  
  
That sounds like a lot of fun! I’d like that, Alexis. 😊  
  
yay twy! 😘  
  
omg i think patricks gonna get a color! i was scared he was going to get boring clear polish  
  
davids gonna be so jealous, he was SO pouty about patrick coming with me for this siblings day experience!  
  
but its literally not my fault he didnt read the email i sent  
  
Oh no 😿  
  
I hate to think of him being sad all day. Do you think he’s okay?  
  
omg yeah he’ll be fine  
  
Okay, if you say so.  
  
Oh, Ray just came in with his improv troupe from Elm Glen, so I think this is going to take a while!  
  
Talk to you in a bit! ❤️  
  
bye baby! ❤️  
  


  


* * *

  


Twyla Sands  
  
**April 10** 10:51 am  
Hi Patrick! 🐤  
  
Hey Twyla.  
  
I have a random question for you!  
  
Shoot  
  
Does David prefer muffins or doughnuts?  
  
Both?  
  
Oh, well. Okay then  
  
What flavor does he like?  
  
Just out of curiosity of course!  
  
Well, it’s Friday, so I think he’d probably prefer chocolate chocolate chip for a muffin and those raspberry filled doughnuts.  
  
But you know it changes day to day and season to season of course.  
  
Right, of course. That makes so much sense, Patrick.   
  
Anyway, I’m just collecting that information for the cafe newsletter. We’re doing a piece on pastry preferences!  
  
Huh  
  
So do you want to know mine too?  
  
No thank you, Patrick! I hope you have a very nice day!  
  
Bye! 👋  
  
Bye Twyla…  
  


  


* * *

  


fave brother 💙  
  
**April 10** 11:24 am  
hey patrick is your foot massage AMAZING? mine is amazing 😍😍  
  
patrick!!!!!  
  
patrick check your phone!   
  
wow that was really embarrassing how you almost dropped your phone in your foot bath 😳  
  
Alexis, why are you texting me? We’re sitting right beside each other.  
  
oh because i wanted to see if you’re having a good time!  
  
and if you weren’t having a good time it would be awkward to say in front of casey and skye!  
  
Personally I feel it was more awkward when I splashed water on Casey when trying to prevent my phone from dropping in the foot bath.  
  
it’s fine   
  
how’s your foot massage????  
  
Honestly it feels a little weird?  
  
But kind of nice too I guess.  
  
ok good!!!!  
  
it’s really nice that we’re doing this patrick 😊😊😊😊  
  
I’m glad too, Alexis :)   
  
You know, I always wanted a sibling.  
  
And now I have a pretty great one.  
  
AWWW PATRICK!!  
  
I WANNA HUG YOU BUT YOU’RE TOO FAR AWAY  
  
gonna screenshot that and send it to david  
  
He’s going to hate it.  
  
It’ll be great :)  
  
i love this for us! 🤗🤗  
  


  


* * *

  


David Rose-Brewer  
  
**April 10** 11:59 am  
Um so  
  
I’m still mad at you for leaving  
  
But  
  
Twyla is here?  
  
And she’s not  
  
Leaving  
  
Ohhhh!! It makes sense now.   
  
Did she bring baked goods?  
  
… yes.  
  
6 muffins and 6 donuts   
  
And you’re still mad? This sounds like that fantasy you were talking about in your sleep last week.  
  
Did you order these?  
  
No, but Twyla texted me asking what flavors you liked.  
  
I think maybe she feels bad about Alexis stealing me away for the day.  
  
I’m glad SOMEONE feels bad  
  
Sorry, David, I would feel bad, but I’m just too relaxed right now.  
  
I’m sure  
  
She brought some of your favorites  
  
IMG2746  
  
But I don’t think they’ll still be here when you get back  
  
That’s okay. Alexis’ itinerary includes that ice cream place you really like.   
  
You know, that one in Elmdale.  
  
I think I’ll get your favorite.  
  
So I’m all set.  
  
Twyla has 22 divorced relatives  
  
I’m asking her if these are grounds  
  
We’re getting ready to start our hand massages and manicures, so I’m going to have to put my phone away.  
  
What do you think of this shade for me?  
  
IMG2985  
  
Enjoy your day with Twyla, David! Turning off my phone now. Bye!  
  
WHAT DO YOU MEAN “MY DAY WITH TWYLA”?  
  
THIS IS NEGLECT  
  
I love you too, honey.  
  


  


* * *

  


Source Of Your Headaches   
  
**April 10** 12:36 pm  
david look how cute our toesies are!! 👣  
  
IMG2891  
  
EW! I don’t want to see your gross talons, Alexis!  
  
ok first of all david i dont have TALONS  
  
second your hubby’s toes are here too  
  
and look at his skin all moisturized!  
  
Mkay well, I have been working on improving his skin care for years, so most of that is thanks to me  
  
They just did the finishing touches, but I set the foundation for success  
  
whatever you say 😉😉  
  
we’re getting our manis started in a minute! i think i convinced patrick to get nail art!  
  
I know you’re just trying to make me mad, Alexis! I’m not falling for it  
  
But just in case, don’t let them make his nails look all skanky  
  
david i would NEVER  
  
I don’t trust you  
  
Also  
  
WHY has your girlfriend been here ALL DAY????  
  
what??  
  
twys at the store?  
  
YES!  
  
And she’s been here for HOURS  
  
Or at least an hour  
  
It’s felt very long and awkward  
  
why is she there??  
  
I don’t know, Alexis! That’s what I’m asking you  
  
She brought a bunch of pastries and has been hovering around the cash telling me weird stories and smiling a lot  
  
Which  
  
Now that I’m saying it is pretty much how she always acts, but why is she doing it HERE?  
  
i dont know david did you try asking her?  
  
ill ask her  
  


  


* * *

  


Alexis! 🌹  
  
**April 10** 12:42 pm  
hey babe david says you’re at the store!  
  
Hi Alexis! 🐧  
  
I thought he might like some company since you and Patrick are having siblings day today!  
  
So I got George to cover the cafe for the afternoon  
  
twyyyy  
  
you’re the cutest person on the planet and im obsessed with you!!   
  
It’s really no big deal!  
  
I’ve been wanting to get to know David better, since he’s your brother  
  
And I know he’s important to you, and you’re important to me!  
  
So I thought this would be a fun thing to do. I think maybe he doesn’t want me to be here though   
  
aw twyla 🥺🥺🥺🥺  
  
i literally wanna kiss you so bad right now  
  
you are so SO cute  
  
of course david wants to spend the day with you!! who wouldnt!! 💗💗💗💗  
  


  


* * *

  


least fave brother 🖤  
  
**April 10** 12:48 pm  
um ok so twyla is hanging out with you because she wants to get to know you better!  
  
while patrick and i are also bonding!  
  
because you’re my brother and she like  
  
really cares   
  
wow my eyes are like stinging or something   
  
weird   
  
must be the acetone  
  
ANYWAY DAVID YOU BETTER BE SO NICE TO HER OR ELSE 🔪  
  
I’m nice!  
  
I’m being nice to her. I just don’t know what to say  
  
It’s weird!  
  
well once you BOND with her david it wont be weird anymore!!  
  
david  
  
Omg OKAY  
  
God  
  
She could use a new toner. I’ll just talk to her about that  
  
DONT be rude about it  
  
I’m not rude!  
  
I am very nice and respectful always  
  
Fuck you Alexis  
  
oh my GOD david you dont have to be so MEAN  
  
Ugh I’m just feeling very fragile right now because I had to skip my lunch break since you took my husband away and also I had to wake up early today and my hair is doing this weird thing  
  
I’ll be nice  
  
Twyla is  
  
Very nice. So I can be nice to her  
  
Ugh   
  
okay GOOD  
  
didnt you say twy brought pastries? 🥐eat those  
  
anyway but also. david.  
  
What?!  
  
do you think this like  
  
means something  
  
Means what? What are you even talking about right now?  
  
UGH im talking about twy hanging out with you!!  
  
like do you think it means something that she wants to hang out with you   
  
like im hanging out with patrick  
  
Like you think she wants to be “siblings” with me like you and Patrick???  
  
i dont know!! thats what im asking!!  
  
I don’t know, Alexis  
  
Maybe?  
  
… Do YOU want that???  
  
i dont know david!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
i need to give skye my hands now  
  
What does that even mean?!?  
  
Alexis!  
  
Oh. You mean for the manicure  
  
Fine. Don’t let Patrick get nail art  
  
I’ll bond with your wife  
  


  


* * *

  


David Rose-Brewer  
  
**April 10** 1:32 pm  
There was an apple cinnamon muffin so I saved it for you  
  
Also, there have been some developments  
  
Twyla has not left  
  
And I think she might be madly grossly in love with my sister or something  
  
And worst of all  
  
I think Alexis might reciprocate  
  
Hello????  
  
Okay I’d like to remind you that I’m the one who is mad at you   
  
For leaving me here  
  
And now I’m just here by myself with Twyla  
  
And I’ve already revamped her entire skincare routine   
  
It was a disaster  
  
She used to remove her makeup with HAND SOAP  
  
But you better not be ignoring me because I am the one who is mad  
  
PATRICK  
  
So what I’m gathering here is that you kind of miss me, huh?  
  
I never said that  
  
I just said that there have been many developments  
  
It’s very generous of you to keep me updated on these developments, David.  
  
What am I supposed to do??  
  
Talk to Twyla maybe?  
  
Are you just ignoring her right now?  
  
I told her she could organize the alpaca wool hats and she’s having a great time  
  
David!  
  
You’re supposed to be bonding with her not forcing her to do your job!  
  
And you’re supposed to be bonding with Alexis!  
  
Does she look like she’s having an emotional crisis?  
  
And the hats are on clearance now so I don’t think we need to get worked up about this  
  
Aw David, are you worried about your sister?  
  
She seems fine to me. She’s telling the nail technician how she could do a better job with her social media marketing to increase brand recognition.  
  
That does sound normal  
  
You know Twyla better than I do  
  
I think  
  
What’s your take on all of this?  
  
I think she likes your sister very much, and she wants to get to know you better.  
  
So you should probably make an effort to get to know Twyla.  
  
I think it would make Alexis really happy if you did.  
  
Ugh  
  
Do you think?  
  
UGH  
  
David, Twyla is a really nice person, and I think you’ll really like her once you spend some time with her.  
  
She may be a part of our family for a long time.  
  
Wow.   
  
Alexis is really happy with Twyla. She’s barely stopped talking about her all day.  
  
Just try to find some common ground with her and the day will go by a lot faster.   
  
We’re getting scalp massages right now.   
  
I like it better when you wash my hair.  
  
David?  
  
It’s going to be okay. I promise. Alexis is happy and Twyla is good for her. I know you worry about her, but she’s okay.   
  
You can trust her with your sister.  
  
I do  
  
I think  
  
I mean. If Twyla is anything, it’s probably trustworthy.   
  
It’s just that it kind of sounds like you might think Twyla is Alexis’  
  
Well. You.  
  
Aw David. I can’t wait until I get back to the store. <3  
  
Twyla loves watching Little House on the Prairie reruns too. Just so you know.   
  
See you soon, David.  
  
Patrick I think she’s naming the hats now  
  
But I guess we could talk about Little House  
  
I love you.  
  
I love you, too.  
  


  


* * *

  


Source Of Your Headaches   
  
**April 10** 2:01 pm  
look david!   
  
IMG2911  
  
Did you make my husband get a matching manicure with you?!  
  
The rose detail is a bit on the nose don’t you think?  
  
its CUTE  
  
you’re just jelly  
  
and look what patrick said about me!  
  
SCREENSHOT_3825  
  
Ew  
  
This is  
  
Okay well. That’s just  
  
Gross. You both are gross   
  
UGH  
  
Dammit Alexis  
  
yes david? 🙃🙃😉😉😊😊  
  
What  
  
Nothing  
  
I think there’s just something in my eyes  
  
And it’s a little hard to see my phone right now  
  
Doesn’t matter  
  
Twyla and I are talking about Little House so  
  
Things are fine here  
  
OMG  
  
im so glad you’re bonding over that weird old tv show!!!! 😍😍  
  
twy has these adorable lil old lady prairie nighties and they like should NOT be cute  
  
but they are  
  
Okay ew I did not need to know that!  
  
And it’s really not a big deal  
  
We’re just  
  
Talking. It’s fine.   
  
Are you and Patrick almost done?  
  
david this is so so cute for you and twy!!!!!  
  
we’re just waiting for our toes to be perfectly dry and then we’re going to go get 🍦🍦  
  
Okay, well I think it’s going to rain, so it’s too bad that place only has outdoor seating  
  
And also it’s really busy here  
  
So. Might be good if Patrick came back soon  
  
You’ve had him for a really long time  
  
Really long  
  
twy’s still there right? she can help!  
  
she like genuinely enjoys it. helping.   
  
Yeah um  
  
Yeah she’s really helpful  
  
It’s nvm we’re fine here  
  
Have fun. Tell Patrick to get the lemon olive oil gelato. He’ll really like it but he always gets vanilla anyway  
  
aw david i will!  
  
tell twy she has a cute butt  
  
I absolutely will not be doing that  
  
youre so boring   
  
but i love you   
  
💗💗  
  
Ugh  
  
🖤  
  


  


* * *

  


Twy 💗🌸☀️🧁🌈  
  
**April 10** 2:01 pm  
our manis are done!  
  
IMG2911  
  
Alexis!!! They look so good!  
  
I love the little roses!  
  
You’re my favorite rose though! 💖🌹😊  
  
aww twy! 💗💗  
  
you’re my fave too!   
  
Things are going really well here!  
  
David and I found out that we’re both total Marys!  
  
I mean before all the tragedy and depression and when she went blind.  
  
But other than that!   
  
i dont think i know what that means babe  
  
OH  
  
THIS IS ABOUT YOUR LIL PRAIRIE SHOW  
  
i love that!!!!!!!!! 😍 but youre a better mary than david  
  
Aw Lex! You’re so sweet!  
  
um no YOU are the sweetest lil treatsie! 🧁🧁  
  
patrick and i are going for ice cream now!  
  
but i’d totally rather nibble on you 😉  
  
Alexis!  
  
I’m happy to be the acorn to your squirrel!! 🐿️🐿️🐿️  
  
i dont totally know what that means baby but im happy about it too 💗  
  


  


* * *

  


Patrick! 🙂  
  
**April 10** 2:24 pm  
Hi again Patrick 👋🐨  
  
Hey Twyla. What’s up?  
  
David and I are counting eye creams!   
  
Alexis sent me a picture of your manicures. They look really great! 😊  
  
That’s great. Thanks for helping out while I’m hanging out with Alexis today.   
  
And thanks, I like it a lot more than I expected.   
  
That’s really great Patrick!   
  
I can help out any time if you need me to. Just let me know so I can get someone to cover my shift at the cafe.   
  
That’s really nice, Twyla, thanks.   
  
But don’t let David try to trick you into doing inventory each month.  
  
I’ve been doing it at the cafe for years and my columns always balance out!   
  
I was actually texting because I think you’re going to get ice cream now?  
  
Well, that’s more than I can say about David, so maybe we should hire you.  
  
Yeah, we’re getting ready to head out now actually.  
  
I hope you have a delicious time! Are you hungry?  
  
Um, I guess?  
  
Do you think you would want two scoops of ice cream?  
  
Because I know Lex will get two scoops if someone else gets two first. Only if you want to, of course!  
  
Gotcha. Yeah, now that you mention it, I am starving!  
  
Might even be three scoops hungry. :)  
  
Thank you Patrick 🦋  
  
Thanks, Twyla. I’m really happy you’re having a good time with David today.  
  
Thanks for stopping by.  
  
Happy to! 👍  
  


  


* * *

  


Husband 💙  
  
**April 10** 3:40 pm  
Thanks for recommending that lemon gelato thing. I liked it a lot, but I think next time I’ll stick with vanilla.  
  
🧐  
  
Sure, honey.   
  
On your way home?  
  
Yeah, we’re getting ready to leave. Alexis eats really slowly.  
  
I bought you a pint of that tiramisu ice cream you like so much.  
  
Tell Alexis to eat on the go   
  
I don’t know if I want to attack you or the tiramisu gelato with my mouth first   
  
Wow, glad to know how highly I rank.  
  
Very highly   
  
Are you leaving now?  
  
Twyla is still here   
  
That is very nice of her to stay and to help you all day long. You should tell her thank you and also pay her.   
  
Mkay I have said thank you  
  
Really think that’s enough  
  
I let her have one of the muffins   
  
I think you are underestimating Twy La’s value  
  
What??  
  
Why are you being so weird about Twyla right now?  
  
I’m not David  
  
Okay I have spent all day with Twyla and I already have to deal with Alexis talking about her literally nonstop so  
  
Can we please stop talking about Twyla?  
  
ohmygod FINE david   
  
your texts with your husband are so boring btw  
  
Oh my god Alexis! Why do you have my husband’s phone?!  
  
I should have suspected with all the typos and missing punctuation  
  
You aren’t allowed to steal my husband’s identity  
  
calm down david im not STEALING his identity  
  
he’s driving so im texting you for him  
  
Okay but that’s what you said about Macaulay Culkin Alexis!!!  
  
david its literally time for you to let that go  
  
im going to finish my ice cream now  
  
Patrick if you’re still there say our code word!  
  
tinaturner  
  
ALEXIS  
  
mari4hcar8y  
  
Okay come home soon, honey! I miss you  
  
Also you shouldn’t text while driving  
  
OH MY GOD THAT WAS IT??  
  
DAVID!  
  
YOURE AS BAD AT THIS AS PICKING A BANK PIN!!!!  
  
ALEXIS  
  
I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON YOUR ICE CREAM CONE  
  


  


* * *

  


Alexis Rose  
  
**April 10** 4:53 pm  
thanks for hanging out with me today patrick! 💅🍦😊🥰   
  
i had the best time we should have a spa day again soon!!!!  
  
Thanks for inviting me, Alexis. I had a lot of fun!   
  
I would definitely love to do it again sometime.  
  
yay!!!!  
  
we totally will!  
  
and maybe david can come too if he’s being nice  
  
And Twyla too perhaps?  
  
that would be awesome 😊😊😊😊  
  
love you!!!!  
  
Love you too.  
  
Sis :)  
  


  


* * *

  


416-555-4466  
  
**April 10** 5:16 pm  
Hi David! 🧸  
  
I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed hanging out with you today at the store!!  
  
Hi Twyla. I enjoyed it too.  
  
You did a really good job with the eye creams.  
  
Oh that’s wonderful! I’m available to help any time!  
  
Seriously, any time you need me, I’m just across the street!  
  
Yes  
  
Thank you Twyla  
  
That is an excessive but very kind offer  
  
Alexis talks a lot about how happy she is to have Patrick as part of her family now.  
  
And I know I’m not a part of that, but it really meant a lot to me to spend National Siblings Day with you.  
  
That’s a very nice thing to say  
  
Since you and Alexis appear to be in such a serious relationship I guess you’re almost like my sister. In some ways. Sort of.   
  
It was nice to spend the day with you as well  
  
Really? Do you really mean that, David??  
  
🐶🐱🐭🐹🐰🦊🐻🐼  
  
I would LOVE to be your sister!  
  
In the way that Alexis is Patrick’s sister!  
  
Because I want to be with Alexis the way you are with Patrick!  
  
You know what I mean right? I have some cousins who are in a polyamorous relationship with their siblings.  
  
And that’s not what I mean here.  
  
Wow  
  
Yes, I understand.   
  
That’s very sweet  
  
Patrick and I are in agreement that you seem to be good for Alexis  
  
Alexis is really good for me too.  
  
She makes my life better every day!   
  
How nice  
  
For both of you  
  
Together  
  


New and Preferred Sis  
  
**April 10** 5:35 pm  
There’s a Little House marathon on channel 10 tomorrow night.   
  
If you plan on watching, you could text me.  
  
If you want. 😺  
  
Patrick is going to make old fashioned butter biscuits for the occasion  
  
I suppose you could come over if you wanted  
  
But Alexis probably won’t want to  
  
I’m sure I could convince her! 😉🐣🌹  
  
She’ll talk through all the episodes  
  
She can talk to Patrick.  
  
And you and I can watch together.  
  
That sounds alright  
  
You can arrive at 9:45  
  
Tell Alexis I’m not letting her in if she makes you both late  
  
I’ll make sure she shows up on time!   
  
I’m really excited, David!!!  
  
Okay  
  
I am also looking forward to it  
  
💖🐙😻🥰  
  
Uh  
  
Octopus to you as well   
  
It’s hugging you with all eight of its arms!!!!!  
  
Horrifying  
  
Thanks  
  
You are very welcome, David!!  
  
See you tomorrow, future brother!!!!!!!  
  
See you tomorrow  
  
Future sister  
  
Apparently   
  



End file.
